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Do you ever read a newspaper article that ticks you off?
In this morning's USA Today, a full page is devoted to what they call "the Well-Being Index." A beautiful 50-year-old skinny lady named Mary Claire Orenic is shown stretching yoga-like in front of a lush garden area. The caption across the top of the article asks, "Is this America's happiest woman?"
She might be. I hope she is. However, not enough information is given for the reader to make that determination.
What information is given? What is the "Well-Being Index?"
I'm glad you asked.
It's divided into three sections: Work, Health, Relationships.
Under "Work," some of the ideals are: a college degree with some grad school; professional or executive class, and a family income of $120,000.
You didn't finish high school? and you make considerably less than that? Sorry. You can't be as happy..
Under "Health," ideals are--and this is good--excellent physical and emotional health, BMI (body mass index) under 30 (30 and above is obese), and you exercise for 30-45 minutes at least 6 days a week.
Too bad if you are overweight or skinny and don't belong to a gym. Can't be happy.
Under "Relationships," ideals are "married and never divorced," 2 children ("Gives birth between ages 27-36); no caregiving for young children or sickly parents, in-laws or spouse; has 4-12 intimate friends.)
You have to take care of elderly parents or a handicapped child? Sorry, Charlie. Your happiness potential just tanked.
You can see why I did not care at all--not at all!--for this little exercise.
Now, to be fair, I imagine the author--well-known writer Gail Sheehy--would say she did this to spark the very kind of discussion we're having here. That she didn't mean it to be the final word on the subject.
Good thing. Because it ain't nearly the final word.
Recently I requested of some minister friends their advice and lessons learned concerning church staff relationships. What follows are some of the best of the responses. In no particular order.
1. Jim says, "Be very careful whom you trust completely."
In over 3 decades of ministry, Jim says he has been brutally betrayed at least 3 times. It has made him wary about trusting anyone with anything confidential.
I'm recalling a time two churches ago when the personnel committee and I were dealing with a sensitive issue, long since forgotten. I said, "Can I say something in here and it not go any further?" The chairman said, "Pastor, I wouldn't say anything in here you do not want to get out."
That was a courageous thing for him to do. As subtly as he knew how, the chairman was warning me off from trusting some of the people in that room. In time, I learned he knew whereof he was speaking.
2. Andy says, "First, pastor the staff. Be their shepherd."
Something inside us wants to protest, that, well, the staff are all ministers and they don't need pastoring. They do. In fact, preacher, so do you.
I have heard that the typical ministerial staff wants the pastor to be their friend and the congregation's pastor; the congregation, however, wants him to be their friend and the staff's pastor.
My answer is: be both. I can pastor friends.
The receptionist--the one who greets the public--is in many ways your most important staffer.
She is the first person most people see when they walk in, the voice they talk with on the phone, and the only one a lot of outsiders will deal with from your church.
Pastor, she can make you or break you.
She can be a light to someone coming in from the dark, lift the spirits of a visitor who ran out of hope miles up the road, defrost the spirit of Jack Frost himself, and protect the beleaguered pastor who desperately needs an hour of study time without interruptions.
She can do all these things and more. But she can also run people off faster than Sunday's lousy sermon or Wednesday night's cold ham and peas.
Where does one find a receptionist sent from Heaven?
Answer: Heaven.
Ask God. He knows them all, has full resumes on each person on the planet, and runs the best placement service ever. Pray.
Is there scriptural evidence for church staffs?
There is no text that says "Thou shalt employ other ministers on your staff to take some of the work from you."
However, there is plenty of biblical evidence for multiple pastors in churches, and that may be (or may not be; our information about those churches is sketchy at best) all we require to proceed in this area.
(Of course, that brings up the question of whether we even need scriptural precedent for every decision we make, every ministry we branch into. Last Saturday night, in a restaurant in North Alabama, I met a group of Primitive Baptists. They were plenty nice, but once they found out I was a Southern Baptist pastor, it got strangely quiet.
In the few discussions I've had with leaders of that denomination over the years, they were defiantly insistent that everything they did had scriptural precedent and such things which churches like mine do but theirs do not are without biblical justification. It makes me think of the business of some people not eating meat; one wonders just how far they want to push that. Animal rights advocates have to decide whether to wear leather shoes and whether to swat that fly. Primitive Baptists--and all who insist they do nothing except on scripture's command--may want to show us where in the Word they find justification for electric lights and machine printed Bibles.
I mean, the Lord gave us a brain and expects us to use it. Excuse me, I digress.)
In Acts 20, the Apostle Paul met with the elders (20:17) and overseers (20:28) of the Ephesian church. They are told to "shepherd" (pastor) the "church of God which He purchased with His own blood." This is one of several scriptures that imply a multiplicity of pastors in the early church.
John MacArthur says, "In the NT, the words 'bishop,' 'elder,' 'overseer,' and 'pastor' are used interchangeably to describe the same men (Acts 20:17,28; Titus 1:5-9; I Peter 5:1,2)."
So, are staff members pastors of the church? In the larger sense, they are. They are extensions of the primary teaching/leading pastor. They are under his authority and their ministries extensions of his.
Show me a church with staff members not accountable to the lead pastor and I'll show you a church asking for trouble. If there are exceptions, then please note that they are just that: exceptions.
In this and subsequent articles, I'd like to pursue the matter of pastors and their staffs. First, let's consider what happens when a minister decides to seek out an addition to his ministerial staff. Even though the process can be wonderful and inspiring and can result in significant growth to the church, it is also perilous. Scary, even.
Recently, a friend told how she was in a conference at her church in which various leaders were sitting around haggling over some issue. When one of the guys grew a little irritable, his wife said, "All right, Bobby. You're in time out!"
The wife is a kindergarten teacher.
Pretty good idea, I think. Someone crosses the line and begins behaving badly, and we put them in time out. Maybe like hockey's penalty box.
A pastor sent me a note, asking for my (ahem) famous instant assessment on his situation. He's losing his passion for his ministry even though he knows he's in the right place and there is nowhere he'd rather be. His sermon preparation is uninspired and much of the work of the ministry is drudgery to him.
I said, "This is a no-brainer. You are fatigued. You need rest."
He did not argue, but started telling why his church was not going to allow him time away.
What would you think was the major reason the church will not grant him some quality time off? Answer: He's bi-vocational.
What that means is that in addition to pastoring the church, he also holds down a full-time job in the secular world. So, to the congregation--this is him talking now--he's part-time at the church. And what could possibly be stressful about a part-time job?
Faulty reasoning. Seriously faulty. His full-time employment carries a full quota of stress and pressure. As for the church job, there is no such thing as a part-time pastor. You are always the pastor and always on call. The work is never far from your mind. Your sermons are always incubating inside you, whether you're having lunch at your desk or driving to the office. Church members rightfully feel if they need you, day or night, they can call.
Try telling them, "I'm not on duty right now. I'm part time."
The fatigued pastor needs some time out.
This should be a no-brainer, but apparently, it's not.
I wrote a recent article on this website called "Things the Lazy Pastor Doesn't Know--But is About to Find Out," and was surprised at the reactions to it.
Now, I've done this enough to know that positive reactions usually go unsaid. That's fine. Only the negatives draw responses as a rule.
Several pastors wrote to say that they're not really lazy but stressed or pressured or unwell, and so the quality of their work has been suffering lately.
I understand, guys, believe me. Been there, done that. Forty two years of pastoring six churches, three years on the staff of another, and then five years as the director of missions working with over one hundred churches and their pastors. I know about pastors being under stress, dealing with pressure, and being too sick to perform their duties.
That's not lazy, my brother. Not even close.
So, at the risk of offending another group of sincerely struggling pastors--the last thing I want to do, believe me--let me try another approach.
Let's look at it this way: Ten Ways a Pastor Can Know He's Just Plain Lazy. How's that? (On Facebook, I'd put a smiley-face here.)
An article in a recent TIME magazine looked into why people invest in self-destructive ways. I read it and thought, "They do all kinds of self-destructive things--from the way they invest to how they eat and vegetate on the couch and express their anger on the highways to neglecting their spiritual lives."
"What Was I Thinking?" is the title of the TIME (October 4, 2011) article, written by Gary Belsky and Thomas Gilovich. Subtitle: "Why we often have trouble acting in our best financial interests."
I was hooked by the title.
According to the authors, people are willing to walk several blocks to save $25 when buying an item selling for, say, $100. However, if the purchase is in the neighborhood of this time, say, $900, they are unwilling to walk the same distance to save the same amount of money. Why?
The answer lies in the field of "behavioral economics," a relatively new area of study which considers how and why people make financial decisions. Since people often behave irrationally, behavioral economists look into the reasons why.
The reason people will walk blocks to save $25 for a small purchase, but will not do the same for a costlier one is also the reason people who are buying a $25,000 car will casually add on an optional feature costing $750, because, "Hey, what's a measley $750 compared to the cost of the car as a whole?" And what's $25 when compared to a $900 purchase?
Blind spots, the authors call them. Working against our own financial best interests.
Since the authors wrote the book, Why Smart People Make Big Money Mistakes--and How to Correct Them, we may assume the three reasons for the self-destructive investing patterns of people in the TIME article are just the tip of the iceberg.
After giving the three reasons, let's draw some parallels in the spiritual realm.
1. People are calling our church office wanting help. They might be sincerely in need but they may be running a scam. Do we help them or not?
Every church on the planet deals with this. If your church is located near a freeway or close to an inner city neighborhood that has seen better days, the line of people seeking help can be unending. If that's your church, I suggest you pull together a team of your very best people to work up a church policy on this ministry.
But, as to whether to give or not, we have a longer, more involved answer and a shorter, simpler one for you....
Longer answer: Most churches wanting to honor the Lord and bless the needy will work out a system of verifying the identity and need of individuals asking for help. Our church keeps a record of every person we minister to, so that no matter which minister or secretary deals with the needy one, they have the history in front of them. Another approach--one we recommend--is to join hands with other churches in your area and create a single community ministry staffed by great volunteers in order to treat needy people responsibly and honorably. When done right, this ministry can often create additional ways to bless the needy: job placement services, English as a second language classes, etc.
Shorter answer: "Give to everyone who asks from you" (Luke 6:30). --Jesus.
Now, that word from our Lord does NOT mean we have to give them a) what they ask for or b) as much as they ask for. The Lord does not send us into the world to be brainless or gullible. But neither does He send us to be heartless.
We are to give them "something." And one more thing. If we must err in the church office, let's err on the side of generosity, rather than cheapness.
It's impossible to know about every person asking for help. Even if we get all the information and keep great records, once in a while we will be taken advantage of. The folks in the church office should take that as a fact of life; it will happen. But this does not mean we are failing and it's no reason to refuse assistance to the next person.
2. What about giving to the homeless? Won't they just squander it on booze or drugs?
Since her daughter and son-in-law are members of the church I was pastoring, I called on this lady in the hospital. Later, I told the son-in-law about the visit.
"She didn't look at all like your wife, and she must have been really sick. She hardly said a word during my visit."
A couple of days later, he said to me, "My mother-in-law says she didn't meet you in the hospital. She had gone home the day before your visit.That must have been someone else you saw."
I said, "Are you sure?" He said, "Very sure. The tip-off came when you said she didn't have anything to say. That was NOT my wife's mother!"
He laughed and added, "You know, there's a very confused lady up there in the hospital right now. The preacher came to see her and prayed for her by the wrong name."
Which raises an interesting point about that prayer: Does God hear such a prayer, even when we get names wrong and the facts are skewed?
Of course He does. Jesus said, "Your Father knows, even before you ask." (See Matthew 6:32)
Two.
Here's something from an old notebook of mine on how backward things are in this world....
A Burma Shave sign on the roadside a half century ago read:
IN THIS VALE
OF WOE AND SIN
YOUR HEAD GROWS BALD
BUT NOT YOUR CHIN.
BURMA SHAVE.
But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. II Corinthians 4:3-4
It's not just that outsiders to the faith have not been shown the way to eternal life, as though they were sitting by the roadside waiting. It's not simply that the unsaved need to be instructed and helped, as though they were gathered in a celestial waiting room somewhere, eager for us to appear. Neither are the lost blank slates on which we may write Heaven's love-letters to their souls, as though nothing had corrupted their minds or skewed their values.
The unsaved are in serious trouble.
A great many of those without Christ have been blinded by the enemy. Not all, thankfully, but far too many.
Satan has done a number on those left in his care.
Millions of those without Christ look at good and see evil, they hear Truth and call it lies, they get a taste of Heaven and call it hell. If they see Jesus at all, He's the enemy. If they see the gospel, it's propaganda. If they receive a kind act from the Lord's disciples, they grow suspicious and look for ulterior motives.
Some enemy has been messing with millions who are without Christ, and has left them far removed from the childlike way they entered this world. They have been mistaught by those they trusted most, misguided by those sent to instruct them, and miscast as possessors and protectors of truth while they attack the very ones sent to bring them truth.
In the Greek city of Corinth, the Apostle Paul encountered such enemies of the faith. Perhaps they were not normally mean-spirited people, certainly not murderers or thieves or abusers. Their hostility against the people of God and against the Gospel of Jesus could be explained by one thing: Satan had blinded the eyes of their understanding. They were blind to the greatest reality of all, God.
As a result, Paul said in our text, they do not see: a) the Gospel, b) Christ who is the image of God, c) the glory of Christ, d) the gospel of the glory of Christ, and e) the light of that gospel.
None of this is clear to them.
Now, you and I could add to that list. Such people who rant and rave against Christians do not value the church, do not believe in Holy Scriptures, deny that they are sinners in need of a Savior, and even dispute the existence of Satan himself.
But, for the moment, let's focus on Paul's statement here in II Corinthians 4 and analyze it.
What started this train of thought was a little note I typed on Facebook from my bedroom this morning. And that had started last evening with a text from Sally.
Sally had been a teenager in a church I once pastored, and her parents were dear friends. Her father, a former Marine, is in Heaven now, and her mother, now in the care of Hospice, is having a little trouble coming to terms with her own impending departure.
I sent the mom a note by Sally, suggesting that she read it to her.
The note to her mother and my Facebook note said: "If we could interview a baby in the mother's womb about to be born, we might find that he/she is frightened by what lies ahead. It's about to leave the only world it has known--warm, soft, safe--and emerge into a strange unfamiliar world with people it doesn't know, who all speak an unintelligible language. To the baby, it would be death. But to everyone else, it's a birth. When you get to Heaven, you will look back and say, 'I was afraid of THAT?!'"
Had there been room on Facebook, I would have added something more. So, two hours later, we tacked on the following:
"The Apostle Paul literally taunts death. 'O death, where is your sting? O grave, where is your victory?' (I Corinthians 15:55) In college football, he would be flagged for showboating. Followers of Jesus Christ, you are not allowed to fear death. To do so insults the One who went to the cross and experienced the grave for you. Laugh at death. Like a honeybee that has lost its stinger, death still flies around scaring people, but it can't do you any permanent damage."
For a Christian to fear death is to insult the Lord Jesus Christ.
Last week, as we completed the fourth article in this series, I put on Facebook that we were yet to decide on the fifth IRS, and invited suggestions. They were--as you might expect--all over the map: love, humility, kindness, honesty, and so forth.
Those are all good ones. To be sure, there are NOT "five" interpersonal relationship skills which supersede all others in importance. There are more like five hundred. But, given the limitations of life and this blog, we settled on five.
Yesterday, in a conversation with my pastor, Dr. Mike Miller (Kenner LA's First Baptist Church), I realized what the fifth one should be: vulnerability.
I'll tell you why in a second. It's the story Mike was relating to me, something embarrassing that happened to him not long ago. But first, let's see if we can find a workable definition for vulnerability.
To be vulnerable is to open yourself to be wounded. Going into battle without proper armor, you are vulnerable. Walking into a lion's den--think of Daniel--with no visible protection but God, and Him invisible at that and given to not telling us everything He has in mind for a given situation, you are being vulnerable. Standing in the pulpit of a church on Sunday morning, admitting to your error, your humanity, your weakness, your own sense of deep need, you are making yourself vulnerable. You are putting yourself in a position where you can be criticized, opposed, attacked.
I say to you that vulnerability is one of the greatest assets (skills, strengths) one can bring to relationships with other people.
To be vulnerable, then, would mean an openness, an honesty, a lack of hypocrisy or pretense. These qualities are standard equipment in all believers, but particularly in those called as shepherds of the Lord's flock.
Okay, here's Mike's story. He gave me permission to share it.
Pastor John came by my office a few minutes ago to visit. Since I've been retired for over two years as the local SBC "Director of Missions" (for non-Baptists, that's our title for the leader/servant of pastors/churches in a given area called an "association"), this was John's first visit, and a complete surprise.
He handed me an envelope, saying, "It's just a little 'thank-you' note." I said, "For what?" He said, "Read it later."
What he had written caught me completely by surprise.
Thank you for your leadership during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. (That was late 2005, over 6 years ago.) Thank you for your awareness of the association's need for new vision. The idea for a new associational vision was birthed in your heart, and you took action by laying the foundation for years to come. For that, I say 'thank you.'
I share this with you because it hits precisely the theme I've been working on in my mind all day: One of the primary interpersonal relationship skills for pastors is gratitude. The very quality Pastor John exhibited this very day.
Would you like to hear of the times I have helped pastors--speaking in their churches, doing art projects for them, counseling them through tough situations--and never received so much as a 'thank you' from them?
Well, you're not.
I do not have such a list.
A roll of those owing us thanks is one nobody should keep. It's a sure recipe for resentment and frustration. Better to do a favor, then go on to the next assignment than stick around and wait for gratitude.
We would do better to keep a list of people to whom we are indebted.
Today, as I scanned over my e-mail in-box, I saw names of pastors and associate pastors who have had me in their churches over the past few months. With this subject on my heart, I began wondering whether I had adequately thanked them for the privilege of serving in their churches, for their hospitality, and for the opportunity to know their people.
So, I sent quite a number of emails. Thank-you notes. Similar to Pastor John's note to me.
Now, John's note was store-bought and hand-written and personally delivered--how rare is that!--whereas the ones I sent today were e-mailed. We could make an issue of that.
But let's not. This is about gratitude.
"Preacher," said the fellow at the door shaking the pastor's hand, "You ought to loosen up. Learn to laugh at yourself. We do."
It's a wise preacher who knows how to laugh at himself. And a sad one who doesn't.
Few skills a minister possesses will get him through troubled waters like a great sense of humor: the ability to laugh at things that would otherwise have destroyed him, the gift of seeing the humorous in any circumstance, a love for oddities and incongruities in every situation, the enjoyment of life itself.
Did our Lord have a sense of humor? Without a doubt. I refer you to Elton Trueblood's classic, The Humor of Christ.
Baton Rouge's Bob Anderson told us in seminary one day, "We know Jesus was a happy person because children loved Him. And little children do not like to be around an unhappy person."
That's good enough for me.
Although, if you are like me, you'd be more convinced if somewhere along Galilee's dusty trails, the Lord Jesus had turned to the disciples and said, "Stop me if you've heard this one...."
I'd like it if the Apostle Paul had dropped in a tale of something funny that happened on the road to Ephesus to illustrate a point. That he didn't doesn't bother me, but still, I wish he had.
I apologize in advance for what follows....
Today, I picked up the phone and called the service number for my gasoline credit card. The last few times I've used it, "see attendant inside" came up on the screen. And the last time, the clerk inside said, "This card has been canceled, sir."
The only thing I could figure is that since I pay the card off each month, they're not making any money off me and decided to cut me free. But, I thought, let's find out. So I dialed the number.
"Sir, we show a security hold put on the card. Just a minute and I'll connect you with someone in security."
A moment later, a lady with a heavy foreign accent came on. Direct from Calcutta, I imagine. "Sir," she said, "the computer froze your account because it shows you purchased gasoline from a Shell station you don't usually use." I said, "Which one?"
She said, "The one on Jefferson Highway in Harahan, Louisiana." I said, "Ma'am, that's the one closest to my house. It's the main one I use."
She had no idea why, she said, and promised to activate the card immediately.
I said, "But are you telling me every time I use a station I don't usually frequent, it's going to stop the account? Because I travel a lot. I logged nearly 3,000 miles in the last two weeks."
She said, "And did you use this card?" I said, "No. You had frozen it."
"Well, I'm sorry, sir. The computer blah blah blah."
I was not aggressive, on the one hand, or passive on the other.
I was assertive.
Assertiveness is a good skill to have to function in this world. It means to (ahem) assert yourself, to express what you are feeling, to inform the people around you of something important to you even if it makes them unhappy.
Have you ever seen a non-assertive pastor? They're fun to observe, if you like disaster movies and car crashes.
Yesterday, the judge in the Dr. Conrad Murray trial--he was Michael Jackson's physician and is on trial for killing him--gave a witness a lesson in interpersonal relationship skills.
Turned away from the spectators, the judge addressed a woman in the witness chair. He said: "Now, Ma'am, you are to listen to the full question before you answer. I know when we have conversations with people, we often think we know what they are about to say, and sometimes we answer before they finish. You cannot do that here. Listen to the full question before you respond.
"Then, when you respond, you must not simply nod your head or say 'Uh huh' or 'huh uh.' You must answer 'yes' or 'no' to the questions.
The judge looked at her sternly and said, "Do you understand this, Ma'am?"
"Yes sir."
A pity we can't send some friends we know into that courtroom and have the judge instruct them.
A pity someone didn't send me to that judge a long time ago. Those lessons are vital, not only to courtroom procedure, but to functioning well in our daily lives.
If there is one thing I excel in--and that's debatable--this is not it. I have always been a better talker than listener. And that, for one called by God to minister to His sheep, is a major failing.
If the work a pastor does from the pulpit on Sunday can be likened to a doctor's prescribing, then only by listening during the week can he properly diagnose.
Have you ever gone to a doctor who would not listen, but insisted that he knew what you needed before you opened your mouth? If so, you changed physicians in a hurry.
Why do we preachers think listening to our people--to anyone we are trying to help--is of little importance? The skill of listening is one of the rarest of qualities in ministers, but when you find it, you know you have found a jewel of a minister.
As much as anyone you've ever met, I'm a product of the Church.
For some reason, the churches in my life revolve around the number three. I served six churches as pastor--three smaller ones and three larger ones--and in between, I logged three years as a staff member of a great church.
And, to carry out the theme, the churches that nurtured me from childhood through adolescence were three in number. Oddly, they were of different denominations, which may be one reason I'm more of a generic Christian than a denominational one.
The New Oak Grove Free Will Baptist Church of Nauvoo, Alabama has been our family's church since the late 1800s. My grandparents joined that church in 1903, and my mother, in her 96th year now, is its senior member. Although "Oak Grove," as we call it, sits 15 miles from any sizeable town, it will run a couple of hundred in attendance on Sundays and the buildings are all new and lovely. Mickey Crane has been its pastor for over 30 years. My mother thinks he's one of her sons.
Remember how Paul remarked to Timothy that he had been nurtured in the faith by his mother Eunice and his grandmother Lois (II Timothy 1:5)? My mother is Lois and my first Sunday School teacher was Eunice.
I have good underpinnings.
That church loved its children. It was a wonderful place to grow up.
As her mother before her had done with a houseful of children, Lois got her six young ones ready on Saturday night. Then, on Sunday, we walked across the field and through the woods, a mile to the church. Among the blessings from that investment, God gave this good woman two sons for the ministry. Ron and I have logged nearly a hundred years of preaching between us.
The Methodist Church of the Affinity, West Virginia, mining camp.