Joe McKeever

Grist For Your Mill

1) Saying No.

Edmund Wilson was a well-known writer and literary critic of a generation ago. When he grew tired of people constantly asking his advice or input, he composed a postcard which he mailed to everyone seeking his counsel. "Edmund Wilson regrets that it is impossible for him to: read manuscripts, write articles or books to order, write forewords or introductions, make statements for publicity purposes, do any kind of editorial work, judge literary contests, give interviews, take part in writers' conferences, answer questionnaires, contribute to or take part in symposiums or ‘panels' of any kind, contribute manuscripts for sales, donate copies of his books to libraries, autograph works for strangers, allow his name to be used on letterheads, supply personal information about himself, supply opinions on literary or other subjects." Thereafter, he was pestered by people writing for a copy of that postcard.

2) Taking my place.

When Woodrow Wilson was serving as governor of New Jersey, he received news of the death of a friend who was a state senator. Still in shock, he took a phone call from a politician in that state. "Governor," the man said, "I would like to take the senator's place." Wilson said, "It's perfectly agreeable to me if it's agreeable to the undertaker."

There is One who did just that, took our place in death so that we might live with Him forever. (Check out Hebrews 2:14, one of the best statements on the subject anywhere.)

3) Telling the Story again.

British actor Henry Irving was telling Mark Twain a story. "You haven't heard this, have you?" Twain assured him he had not. Halfway through the tale, Irvin said, "Are you sure you haven't heard this?" "No, go ahead," Twain said. As he neared the climax of the story, Irving broke off again and said, "Are you quite sure you haven't heard this?" The third time was too much. Mark Twain said, "I can lie once. I can lie twice for courtesy's sake, but I draw the line there. I can't lie the third time at any price. I not only heard the story, I invented it."

When someone asks if I have heard this story or joke, I say, "Either way, a good story is like a great song---you want to hear it again." Never ask if they've heard the story you're about to tell--and never say if you have heard the one they're relating--just enjoy it.

At Christmastime, people want to hear the same old story they've heard countless times before. No need to invent new ones when the old ones are unsurpassed.

4) Most unusual.

Writer James Thurber enjoyed telling of the conversation he once had with a nurse while he was her patient in the hospital. He asked, "What seven-letter word has three u's in it?" She thought for a moment, then said, "I don't know, but it must be unusual."

After he lost his sight, Thurber attended a party at a friend's home. When a particular couple left, Thurber said to the host, "They're going to break up." His friend said, "Not possible! I've never seen such friendliness and smiling." "Yes," said Thurber, "you saw them. But I heard them." Six months later, the couple separated.

What unusual sounds are people hearing from you?

These are all from Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes, the 2000 edition. I thought you would enjoy them. Teachers and pastors might find a suitable illustration in them.